Oh, Canada…you never cease to amaze me and make me proud to be a fruit of your loins! This latest story may be one of the very finest examples of the type of culture I hail from – behold:
Want to attempt to drink and drive in Kensington, Canada? (That’s a trick question. Never attempt to drink and drive anywhere, people.) The police force of the small town on Prince Edward Island wants to, as Chad Kroeger once famously crooned, remind you of what you really are — a law-abiding citizen who will happily take an Uber home after one too many whiskeys. Because if you don’t, the arresting officer will gladly handcuff you, read you your rights, and blare some classic Nickelback tunes in the patrol car on the way to jail as punishment. In a widely circulated post on the exceedingly cheeky Kensington Police Service’s Facebook page, the town outlined that anyone caught drunk driving during the holiday season would receive the gravelly wrath of Kroeger & Co.
“The Kensington Police Service will be out for the remainder of year looking for those dumb enough to feel they can drink and drive. And when we catch you, and we will catch you, on top of a hefty fine, a criminal charge and a year’s driving suspension we will also provide you with a bonus gift of playing the office’s copy of Nickelback in the cruiser on the way to jail,” the post, which features a photo of the band’s album Silver Side Up, reads. “Now, now, no need to thank us, we figure if you are foolish enough to get behind the wheel after drinking then a little Chad Kroeger and the boys is the perfect gift for you. So please, let’s not ruin a perfectly good unopened copy of Nickelback. You don’t drink and drive and we won’t make you listen to it.”
Brilliant, eh? I know. So proud of the home land. 🙂 I wonder how many people there will tempt fate…probably take someone who never made it as a wise man to try that…all of the officers will huddle around the Keurig the next morning, studying the dumbass’s mugshot, saying, “Look at this photograph, every time I do it makes me laugh”….While the poor shmuck who drove impaired is huddled in his cell, wondering if it’s true that a hero could save us, I’m not gonna stand here and wait….
Okay, I’m done. Enough Nickelback humor for one day. I don’t mean to make jokes, please don’t judge me, because…Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar. 😉