One of my friends proposed to his longtime girlfriend yesterday, and I could not be happier for them. I love love, and these two have really got it figured out! They have overcome some significant challenges during their relationship, and they’ve flown through the tough times with flying colors, because they are excellent at communication. These two talk all the time, about everything – they are wildly in love with each other, they are supportive and encouraging of each other all the time….and it’s wonderful to see. He is her biggest fan and supporter – and she is his as well….this is what love is meant to be, what love should be. This makes me so hopeful. 🙂
Watching these two and their relationship had me thinking about Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages, a theory which outlines the five key ways that people give and express love to those around them. Here’s a quiz, if you are interested in finding out your preferences – here’s my profile:
12 Words of Affirmation
7 Physical Touch
7 Quality Time
3 Acts of Service
1 Receiving Gifts
Your Love Language Personal Profile
Interpreting Your Profile Score
The highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). It’s not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. That just means two languages are important to you.
The lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you very much on an emotional level. Learn more about your primary love language and how to put it to use next to the corresponding badge below.
Important to Remember
You may have scored more highly on certain love languages than others, but do not dismiss those other languages as insignificant. Your partner may express love in those ways, and it will be helpful to you to understand this about him/her.
In the same way, it will benefit your partner to know your primary love language in order to best express affection for you in ways that you interpret as love. Every time you or your partner speak each other’s language, you score emotional points with one another. Of course, this isn’t a game with a scorecard! The payoff of speaking each other’s love language is a greater sense of connection. This translates into better communication, increased understanding, and, ultimately, improved romance.
If your partner has not already done so, encourage him/her to take The Love Languages Profile. Discuss your respective love languages, and use this insight to improve your relationship!
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
This is SO true. I’m a person who shows love with words – and I need to hear them as often as possible. While gifts are nice, they are so low on my priority list…I would rather hear something nice, have a hug, and spend time with someone than gifts, but that’s just me. What’s your love language? 🙂
Back to my friends who got engaged yesterday – he pulled off an AWESOME proposal: he told her that they were going to meet his parents for lunch; when they walked into the restaurant, both sets of parents/families were there, as were a ton of friends, all applauding. He dropped to his knee and proposed, and then everyone had a big, beautiful celebratory meal and champagne toast. After lunch, he let her know that they were going straight to the airport (and he had packed her stuff for her) – they were off to an all-inclusive resort in Mexico for four nights! How romantic and awesome is that???! I have been in on the details of this plot for months, and seeing it all work out so beautifully has filled my heart with so much love, and a renewed sense of hope. Happy endings are possible! 🙂