Let’s Go



There are so many things that I hold back, so many times that I don’t say what’s on my mind because I can’t – either because of my job, or my family, or the world just ain’t ready for the buckets of real that could come spewing out of me…it’s mind-boggling. I want to say what I think, do what I want, and be exactly who I want to be – social conventions be damned. The great country singer Kacey Musgraves (who I saw a few years ago when she opened for Willie Nelson – she’s so awesome) has a great song that kind of echoes this sentiment of mine:

If you save yourself for marriage
You’re a bore
If you don’t save yourself for marriage
You’re a horrible person
If you won’t have a drink
Then you’re a prude
But they’ll call you a drunk
As soon as you down the first one

If you can’t lose the weight
Then you’re just fat
But if you lose too much
Then you’re on crack
You’re damned if you do
And you’re damned if you don’t
So you might as well just do
Whatever you want

Make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls
If that’s something you’re into
When the straight and narrow
Gets a little too straight
Roll up a joint, or don’t
Just follow your arrow
Wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow
Wherever it points


Awesome, eh?:-) She’s right – we are all damned if we do, and damned if we don’t, so…why not just do what we want? Why not just be whoever the hell we fancy being? I know it’s hard, but…life is hard. Shouldn’t we do what we can to make it pleasant?:-)

I’ve recently been discussing the title of my memoirs – why the hell I’m so pretentious and think anyone would want to read my memoirs is beyond me, but.. anyway. I’ve come up with the perfect title – let me tell you the story about it first. I have a girlfriend from home up north who is fabulous, fantastic, and truly colorful – she’s pretty awesome. She is also a gal who has suffered from the odd gastrointestinal issue over the years – no judgment, of course…we’ve all had upset tummies. The difference is that most of us would not spill the deets on an overconfident fart at gunpoint, while my sweet friend lacks the shame necessary to hold such things back. One day, she and I were sitting at my brother’s house in the homeland, and as we innocently sat at the kitchen table, she proceeded to tell my brother and sister-in-law about a time she sharted at work and had to surreptitiously penguin walk herself to the potty. My brother and sister-in-law alternated between laughing so hard they cried and incredulous stares as they blushed on her behalf – their reactions really were hilarious. I laughed, too…but this wasn’t my friend’s first trip to that particular rodeo, so…I was mildly prepared. As my family looked at her in shock and laughed, she puffed herself up like a peacock and loudly declared: “What??! Everybody shits their pants!!” with so bloody much indignation and swagger that I wanted to applaud. It was just the funniest damn thing I had ever seen – and yes, friends…my memoirs shall be called “Everybody Shits Their Pants”. That book will be overflowing with all of the things that I want to say, whether they are polite or not. Why hold back? She’s right, dammit…Everybody does shit their pants. So what?

Don’t worry – I will definitely sign a copy for you.:-)





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