Golden State

I’m not sure what rock I have been hiding under, but I somehow completely missed the song “Golden State”…and I am certainly better for having found it now! Better late than never!!! 🙂 Here it is, in case you’ve been under the rock with me:

You are the hole in my head
I am the pain in your neck
You are the lump in my throat
I am the aching in your heart
We are tangled
We are stolen
We are living where things are hidden

You are something in my eye
And I am
The shiver down your spine
You are
On the lick of my lips
And I am
On the tip of your tongue
We are tangled
We are stolen
We are buried up to our necks in sand


We are luck
We are fate
We are the feeling you get in the golden state
We are love
We are hate
We are the feeling I get when you walk away?
Walk away

Well you are the dream in my nightmare
I am that falling sensation
You are
not needles and pills
I am
Your hangover morning
We are tangled
We are stolen
We are living where things are hidden

We are luck
We are fate
We are the feeling you get in the golden state
We are love
We are hate
We are the feeling I get when you walk away
Walk away

Walk away

You are
The hole in my head
You are
The pain in your neck
You are
The lump in my throat
I am
The aching in your heart

 

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Don’t you just LOVE it? I know – me, too. I think it’s exactly what my heart (and soul) have been needing to hear lately. I’ve been feeling like the most tangled mess of Ick lately, and it’s really getting on my last damn nerve. Over the weekend, I binge-watched the new Netflix series “Love” (that’s where I heard that beautiful song up there), and, well, I kinda loved it. A whole lot. If you aren’t familiar with it, here’s the synopsis from the Interwebs: LOVE follows Gus and Mickey as they navigate the exhilarations and humiliations of intimacy, commitment, and other things they were hoping to avoid. Having recently ended their respective dysfunctional relationships, Gus and Mickey meet each other by chance at a convenience store and forge a connection in the mending of their broken hearts and egos. It’s really, really good – Gus is a really sweet guy who still does the odd arseholish thing (making him surprisingly real), and Mickey is a pain in the arse herself….it’s interesting (and messy) to see them trying to get together. Mickey is a self-professed addict (drugs, alcohol, sex, love), who has real troubles navigating interpersonal relationships…and dammit if I didn’t see way too much of myself in that (minus the whole addiction thing). I’m absolutely spastic when it comes to relationships with other people – friggin’ pathetic. I am lucky that I have any friends at all, truth be told…I’m just not great at it. But I want to be, I really do….and I just haven’t a hot clue how to stop being such a jerk all the time and make my current situation better. 😦

Someone referred to me as a ‘free spirit’ recently – which I can kind of see, but I sort of dispute at the same time. I have A LOT of responsibilities in my life, and I keep everything going, all the balls in the air and the plates spinning at the same time – I take care of my shit remarkably well (so, not really a free spirit in that regard). However, when it comes to my personal existence, I think I am more of a free spirit – nothing much seems to stick with me. Sometimes (a lot of times) it’s my fault, sometimes the blame lies with the other people – most accurately, it’s probably a combination of both. When this person described me as a free spirit, it wasn’t meant as a compliment (ouch), as they indicated that people like me never settle themselves down at all. That one really cut me hard – the truth usually does, eh? I want to have a settled life, a peaceful existence, and I want to have some certainty to my days, but I don’t seem to have the skills needed to get my poop in a group and make that happen. I noticed Mickey on “Love” going to support group meetings for this kind of stuff – maybe I should do the same? Although Christ knows when I would find time for one more thing in my already packed schedule – but this is important, maybe I should give it a whirl? Either that or therapy…maybe it’s time to bite the bullet and start addressing some of this shit. I’ve been like an ostrich, sticking my head so deep in the sand that I can almost see down under (What up, Australia!), hoping that things will get better on their own. It’s not working.

Time to slip into my big girl panties (for the record, I wear cute underpants at all times), grab a cape (I actually do wear capes all the time), and get some shit done. Grr.

xxx

 

PS: Be sure to check out “Love” – it’s good. And, while it seems slow and odd at first, stick with it – you won’t be sorry.

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