Don’t Break My Heart Slow

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I continue to binge watch my way through the seasons of Ally McBeal (nearly done!), and this song came on a few episodes ago…and it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks. Let’s give it a look, shall we?

I like the way you wanted me
Every night for so long baby
I like the way you needed me
Every time things got rocky

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken,
Do you say, do you say what you mean
I want our love to last forever

But I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

I like the way you’d hold me
Every night for so long baby
And I like the way you’d say my name
In the middle of the night
While you were sleeping

I was believing in you
Was I mistaken
Do you mean, do you mean what you say
When you say our love could last forever

Well I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

You would run around and lead me on forever
While I wait at home still thinking that we’re together
I wanted our love to last forever
I was believing in you

Well I’d rather you be mean than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say goodbye
I’d rather take a blow at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow

 

That chorus just kills me, because it is so.friggin.true. I don’t know anyone who enjoys being lied to or misled, do you? This idea has been on a constant loop in my head recently – I’ve grown so tired of people around me bullshitting me, thinking that their lies are sparing my feelings. It’s exhausting – and mean. Why can’t people just be honest? I know that I’m not everybody’s cup of tea – that’s fine, a lot of people aren’t for me, either. However, I find that those who lead me on are the worst, they shine a light of hope where darkness lives…only to have that light turn out to be a mirage. It hurts. I keep going back to someone telling me a few weeks ago that shitty things keep happening to me with other people because I try too hard – I hate that, but it’s true. I try to treat others the way that I want to be treated, and I guess I want someone to try really hard with me. Yet it never happens. WTF?

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I found this article online – 10 Signs You’re in a One-Sided Relationship – it’s a bit of a revelation. Here are the signs:

1. You always make the plans.

2. You are always ready to drop everything when your partner needs you, but they’re not. 

3. You constantly feel vulnerable, and not in a good way. 

4. When it comes to spending time together, your partner makes you feel like they have better things to do. 

5. You feel the need to apologize for things you shouldn’t apologize for.

6. They act like talking on the phone or texting or communicating in any way is like a chore or a hassle. 

7. You feel stressed about things you shouldn’t. You constantly worry that the relationship is out of balance, or that you’re trying too hard, or that they’d rather be somewhere else, or a million other things.

8. You feel bad when you ask them to go to things with you, like your work holiday party or that new movie that looks really bad but that you really want to see. 

9. You feel the need to explain your significant other to your friends and family. 

10. You make an effort to invite them into your life and to make them a part of it, but they do not do the same for you. 

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Well…slap my arse and call me Sally! That’s me!! I do these things!!! OMG!!!! It doesn’t matter if it’s relationships with friends, coworkers, the opposite sex…I do this shit over and over and over again! ARGH!!!!! I am forever trying to plan things with people – I always have been. It’s like I was born without the gene that allows you to wait for people to invite you to do stuff…it’s pathetic. I apologize all the time (but I am Canadian, and we Canucks have an extreme fondness for the word ‘sorry’), and I constantly feel bad about stuff (constantly). This list is unnerving….methinks I had best hit the Google machine again to see what exactly I can do to get over these things before I drive myself nuts and spend the rest of my days ALONE.

Ideas?

xxx

 

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