Are you good at forgiving and forgetting? I am not – and I should really change that. First off, I never forget a damn thing, especially when someone has done me wrong…so you can trust that I will always carry the shards of any sins you’ve committed towards me somewhere in my heart (sorry about that). However, I usually manage to forgive people – goodness knows that I screw up all the damn time, so…I can forgive most things (even if I never forget them). However, lately I’ve been finding it harder and harder to forgive people – and I’m not sure why. It’s like my stubborn resolve has increased as I’ve aged, instead of softening as I’ve gotten older. I wonder why?
For example, I had a falling out with a friend just over a month ago – this is a very VERY rare event for me, as I pretty much never have upsets with people like this. However, I got really pissed with this person, what they did and said (that’s the rub, actually – it was what they said that has upset me so terribly), and I’ve not spoken to them since. There have been many text messages and emails unreturned…and I have actually dug my heels in on this one. I have zero interest in speaking to somebody that thinks so little of me that they would be so condescending and say such ugly things about me and my life – I don’t care if they do claim to have had extenuating circumstances…that’s just horseshit. I feel like this entire episode flipped a switch inside my head, and nothing around me has looked the same since. However, it doesn’t feel good having anger inside of me the way that it has been, and this is what needs to be addressed.
I did some Googling on the idea of forgiveness and how to work through it all, and came across this article – the whole thing is good, you should give it a read….but here is the important takeaway from the whole thing:
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are pardoning or excusing the other person’s actions.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you need to tell the person that he or she is forgiven.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any more feelings about the situation.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean there is nothing further to work out in the relationship or that everything is okay now.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you should forget the incident ever happened.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to continue to include the person in your life.
… and forgiveness isn’t something you do for the other person.
By forgiving, you are accepting the reality of what happened and finding a way to live in a state of resolution with it. This can be a gradual process—and it doesn’t necessarily have to include the person you are forgiving. Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the person who wronged you; it’s something you do for you.
Don’t you love that? Forgiveness isn’t something you do for the person who wronged you; it’s something you do for you. I love that. I think that’s where my biggest struggles have been lately with this whole forgiving thing – especially with the most recent situation. I have honestly felt like forgiving the person who pissed me off is letting them off the hook, almost like saying that their behavior was okay – and it sure as hell wasn’t. However, when I keep reading that sentence over and over again, it’s starting to make sense to me, and making me feel better in my heart – it’s not something I do for them, it’s something that I would be doing for me. I think I might be on to something here – I am not nearly kind enough to myself …maybe it’s time that being nice to me became a priority. Maybe forgiveness = freedom. 🙂