Love Sick

My latest binge-watching indulgence has been the show “Louie” – starring the brilliant Louis CK. Are you a “Louie” watcher? If not, you oughta be – it’s fantastic. For. Realz.

I’m on the second season now, and I don’t know what is going to happen with Louie and Pamela, the woman that he’s sweet on (if you already know, PLEASE don’t tell me – I want to be surprised!)….but this declaration of love is pretty much everything I could ever hope for in my life:

This is what he says (but do yourself a favor and watch the video, too….it’s awesome):

Louie: But can I just, can I just tell you one time the way I feel about you?

Pamela: You wanna tell me?

Louie: Yes, please.

Pamela: Go ahead.

Louie: Pamela, I’m in love with you. 

Pamela: Oh, God.

Louie: Yeah, it’s that bad. You’re so beautiful to me.

Pamela: Oh! Aye! Ew!!

Louie: Shut up!! Let me tell you – let me. Every time I look at your face, or even remember it…it wrecks me. And the way you are with me, and you’re just fun, and you shit all over me, and you make fun of me, and you’re real. I don’t have enough time in any day to think about you enough. I feel like I’m going to live a thousand years because that’s how long it’s going to take me to have one thought about you, which is that I’m crazy about you, Pamela. I don’t want to be with with anyone else.

Pamela: Louie.

Louie: I don’t! I really don’t! I don’t want to think about women anymore, I think about you. I had a dream the other night that you and I were on a train. We were on this train, and you were holding my hand. That’s the whole dream. You were holding my hand, and I felt you holding my hand. I woke up and I couldn’t believe it wasn’t real. I’m sick in love with you, Pamela. It’s like a condition, it’s like polio. I feel like I’m going to die if I can’t be with you, and I can’t be with you, so…I’m going to die. And I don’t care, because I was brought into existence to know you. And that’s enough. The idea that you would want me back, it’s like, greedy. I’m doing a bad job of this.

Pamela: No you’re not.

Louie: I’m not?

Pamela: No. It’s a good job. 

 

Gorgeous, right? Sigh. The thing that gets me the most? “I was brought into existence to know you.” Holy shit, that’s some beautiful stuff right there. Love. 🙂 What were you brought into existence for?

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I’ve been making a whole bunch of life changes lately,  trying to work out some issues with my existence – I got rid of the cable in June (which probably doesn’t seem like that big of a change, but trust me…it was massive), I deactivated my Facebook profile (let me explain this one for you: I could not take another day of people bragging about their wonderful, amazing lives on Facebook – lives that I happen to know for a fact are not quite that wonderful and amazing. It drove me nuts! I figure that if you truly have great things going on, that’s awesome for you…and the rest of us will notice, I promise – you don’t need to ram it down our throats. Grr. As well, I was tired of people and their chronic need to over-share…every morsel of food that goes into their mouths and every thought that blows through their head like a tumbleweed across the plains of Texas – they would share it on Facebook. Barf. I needed to take a step back from being a voyeur in the lives of other people – and focus more on living my own).  I’ve taken to listening to Andrew Johnson’s Deep Sleep app before bed (seriously – the BEST way to beat insomnia EVER, and if you’re a regular reader, you know how I suffer with this. This app is INCREDIBLE!), which is leading to a drastic improvement in my sleep every night. I don’t wake up looking like the Crypt Keeper anymore (hopefully)! Woohoo!!  I’m starting to make my way down the meditation road (not as difficult as I previously thought), and I’m slowly starting to feel more calm inside. After years and years (a lifetime?) of upset and turmoil and imbalance inside my head, I think things are finally starting to settle. Finally. Only took me 41 years! 😉

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As well, I’ve embarked on a social media cleanse recently – no Facebook, no Twitter, no Instagram….nada. It’s been tough, but necessary, methinks. While I am really, really missing the news updates and the interaction, the quiet feels so good right now. I’m not sure if I will keep up with the Twitter and Instagram ban or not – but this time away has been good for me. I’ve been doing so much thinking, and reading, and writing, and contemplating, and….apparently, I had a lot to think about. I am famous for settling for most things in life, for accepting ‘good enough’ and trying to learn to be okay with that – but why? Why have I done that? Why have I not held on and waited for what it is that I really want? My selfishness is part of it, my need for instant gratification is another…and I’m quite possibly the most impatient mo’fo you’ve ever seen in your life. This has to end. I need to find what Louie said to Pamela up there…don’t we all? I want somebody to feel that they were brought into existence to know me – and, until that kind of thing happens, then I will just get comfortable on the couch alone. And that will be okay. 🙂

xxx

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