I’ve always really liked the Paramore song “Still Into You”…it’s a super-cute look at love, the kind that lasts…the kind that makes your insides feel fuzzy and good, and the kind that you know you can lean in to and feel surrounded by love, warmth, and safety – you’re comfortable, because you know that love ain’t goin’ nowhere. (Double negative use was intentional – just FYI)
I should be over all the butterflies
But I’m into you (I’m in to you)
And baby even on our worst nights
I’m into you (I’m into you)
Let ’em wonder how we got this far
‘Cause I don’t really need to wonder at all
Yeah after all this time
I’m still into you
This is pretty much what we all want, right? Someone that still gives us ‘the feeling’, even after the initial honeymoon period wears off? I know I always have – that’s why it really friggin’ sucks when you aren’t getting the feeling back, because, well, sometimes people just aren’t into you. That is the worst. I don’t know where I got this inflated ego and sense of entitlement, but it needs to go back to the damn store from whence it came, receipt or not…it’s not doing me a lick of good. I totally hope/believe that people should want to be around me, that they should fancy me, and that I’m a bit of a catch – which is why it shocks me when people don’t feel that way. Huh. I’m an idiot.
For example, once upon a time, I met a gentleman that I got on with extremely well – I don’t mean that there were just sparks, I mean that the connection was reminiscent of the time my Dad accidentally set off all of the fireworks that were meant for the 20 minute firework show at the Lundar Fair at one time…that kind of spark. Our conversation was quick, witty (you know how I love that), we liked the same things, we were highly compatible in most regards, we shared a demented sense of humor…and, well…I’m not a girl that will kiss and tell, but holy shit there ought to be a movie made about that aspect of things. Epic. We got on like peas and carrots, yet something just wasn’t quite right – and let me tell you what that something was: he wasn’t as into me as I was to him. Which, rationally, I know is fine…it’s his prerogative (though at the time I believed him to be a dumbass) – but I had a really, really hard time accepting that. I was just coocoo for cocoa puffs over this lad, and he was….almost ambivalent about me. It’s funny, even thinking about it now, I can still feel the same emotions that I had back then – and I feel embarrassed for how stupid I was. He was perfectly pleasant – but I had to do all of the work, the effort came from me, and my stupid ass couldn’t figure out why…all I wanted was to be wooed, and made to feel like I was wanted. However, eventually, after much soul searching, I realized that the popular friggin’ book was correct:
he just wasn’t that in to me.
I know that people are allowed to be ‘not that into me’ – just like I have certainly felt that way about people, things, and situations. However, there have been a few times when I have been so shocked by this, because I felt so strong and positive and thought things were good…and it legit surprised me that it wasn’t a two-way street. I had a job once that I thought was going really, really great – and it turns out that they just thought I was barely alright. Not killing it, like I thought – just alright. Huh. How do I keep getting things wrong and misreading situations?
Let’s look at some quotes from the book to illustrate my point:
A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the
woman he loves.
Don’t spend your time on and give your heart to any guy who makes you wonder about anything related to his feelings for you.
You picked a lemon, throw it away, lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith.
Busy’ is another word for ‘asshole’. ‘Asshole’ is another word for the guy you’re dating.
Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
Always be classy. Never be crazy.
I’m tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
See? There were no relocation of mountain ranges that I’m aware of, and I always seemed to find myself surrounded by entirely too much lemonade. But, I think that this is what I have needed to hear for most of my life – if things aren’t happening, if the magic is only on my side and not the other, then…they are just not that in to me. Which is fine – I need to stop trying to make things what they aren’t, and just accept them for what they are. This applies to all aspects of my life, and not just the interpersonal parts – if things aren’t working the way I hoped that they would, then I need to cut my losses and move on…regardless of how great I think things are. It has to go both ways.
In other news, why does life have to be so bloody hard all of the time?