AUTHOR’S NOTE: This piece was written two years ago, but its words hold true just as much now…happy reading, friends! 🙂
While talking with a female friend this week, we began complaining about the lack of real men around. We weren’t talking about those who burp, fart, and chew snuff so much that they could medal in the hillbilly Olympics, but rather the kind of real men who are chivalrous, respectful, thoughtful beings who value women and treat them accordingly. They believe in little things like opening doors and walking on the street/curb side of the sidewalk, and not so little things like defending your honor against shitty street harassment and respecting and valuing your career. Real men are brave enough to stand up for what is right, even if it is unpopular. And it seems that these days, sadly, real men are about as common as unicorns. Why is that?
Let me share some examples with you to illustrate my points. First up – a girlfriend of mine recently told me about a dalliance between she and a a guy that had been off and on for the past few months. The girl liked spending time with the guy, despite his propensity for not being able to get his shit together. She patiently offered help repeatedly, went out of her way to make time for the two of them to spend together, and happily picked up the check most of the time they went out for dinner or drinks…even when he had invited her. Now, before you think this kind-hearted soul is a right idiot who was being used – she is just a person who places a higher value on people than she does on things and money…and she thought this particular dude was good people. However, the drama llama lurking inside got the better of him, and things went uproariously tits up yet again. He didn’t call much, missed plans he’d made with her, and essentially left her feeling like crap. And what had she done wrong? Nothing. She certainly understood that he was going through impossibly hard times,and she wanted to be there for them and help – isn’t that what people do for each other? She called to express concern, to see if she could help, and to try to bring some levity to his life by telling him about the fun birthday present she was going to let him open early in light of all the hard times he was having – but before she was able to get to that part, he went off on her about how stressed he was and how he was barely holding it together, but that she should be grateful that at least he is attempting to talk to her and not shutting her out completely. Huh. I can’t speak for you, dear readers, but I think that’s one of the rudest, shittiest things ever said. She had been trying to help, to offer tangible assistance, and help him get back on his feet – yet in that moment, he had cut her to the very core. I haven’t heard from her what happened next, but I’m fairly certain that she was done with this guy. I reminded her what Maya Angelou said: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I do believe that our fair lass had been schooled on the differences between real men and fake ones.
Next example: another maiden I know that I used to work with has been hanging out with a male colleague of hers for nearly six months. These two generally go out once or twice a week, and he seems quite fond of her – and she enjoys his company, too. The only part that has our maiden wondering? He has never – to use an old-fashioned phrase – tried to get fresh. Never. Not once. Nothing more than a few chaste kisses. Not even tongue, friends! Nada. Zip. Zilch. She can’t figure it out, because as far as maidens go, this one is pretty cute ..but he’s most certainly not acting like a real man who is in to it. It’s troubling. She can’t work it out. Is he not interested in women? Not interested in her? Both?? Neither??? Too much confusion, friends!
My final example comes courtesy of yet another lovely friend of mine. She was talking last week about the most recent male that she dated – he showed up at her home on a weekend morning with a plan to help her move furniture, and declared that he would love some wine – it was 9:00am. Now, I’m all for day drinking and am never one to judge, but this asshat (I do believe he may have been royalty – the Crown Prince of Douchebagastan, perhaps) loudly announced that he figured he should move in (since he had helped move the furniture), give up his job and be a house husband. This was their third date. Uh huh. Shocking, if you ask me. I asked my friend about the possibility of her and a couple of men that we know in common going out on dates – her response about the first one that he was too busy dying his hair with Grecian Formula (which always gives me the giggles) and chasing 21 year old skirt (he’s 49) to bother with a woman in his own age bracket…and, as for the other man, he smothers his face in so many anti-aging and male beauty products that she can check her makeup in the reflection off his face on the regular, so…not for her. Too metro.
Now…what do all of these tales have in common?? First – apparently I know some interesting women! 😉 However, these are all girls that pretty much any man would be lucky lucky LUCKY to have…and yet they are still looking for the one – and, in the meantime, they are enduring ridiculous and rude treatment from the men that they are meeting. I understand the whole kiss-a-lot-of-frogs-before-finding-your-prince thing, but…goodness, how many damn toads are there out there?!?!?!? And, why do these otherwise fabulous women keep finding them??! Apparently they need new swamps to hang out in… 😉
Tell me…where have all the cowboys gone? And what do we need to do to bring them back??? The sisterhood is depending on us…. 😉