Someone sent me this anonymously last week, as a comment through Pretty Things. I have no clue who the sender was, but I wish I did – I want to say thank you to them. I’ve spent a lot of time reading this over and over again, thinking about these words and how I’ve screwed this all up in my life. Let’s take a look at this together, shall we?
If people don’t communicate with each other, things will never work. For those who need a cheat sheet, the word ‘communicate’ implies speaking – not just texting. Shame on those who are too lazy/ambivalent/stupid/whatever to pick up a phone and call. There are a lot of conversations that are too important to be had via text – but the inconsequential conversations are just as important, too. So – speak to those around you. Some people are really easy to talk to, and when you are with them, the conversation will just flow like magic water…others are not so easy, and it takes a fair bit of work. Put in the effort – lean in, friends. It’s important.
Now….be there for one another, make time for one another. This is massively important, my friends – if you don’t see people, how can you expect to have a relationship with them? You don’t have to see them in person, either – I have some dear friends at home in Canada that I talk to regularly on the phone, and we have very close, strong relationships. We make the effort – and that’s really what all of this stuff boils down to. You have to make the effort. If you don’t, surely you can’t (won’t) be surprised when things don’t work out.
I love the next part about leaving the past in the past – I certainly have zero desire to dig up the bones of my rather checkered past. I won’t do it – I think it’s unnecessary. I am not the kind of person that rehashes past relationships, and will in fact rarely discuss them at all. Part of it is that I don’t fancy being reminded of my mistakes (of which there are many), but mostly because discussing exes can hurt – and I’ve no interest in making someone feel badly. It serves no point. I don’t much want to hear the sordid details of somebody else’s past conquests, either – unless the story is framed in such a way as to point out my awesomeness as being superior to their tremendous shortcomings/tendency to act nuts/humpback/subpar intelligence/warted nose, then you can keep that to yourself. I’m good. 🙂
This next part is tough for me – I have always feared arguments, as I have spent my life in constant fear of being left. I don’t know how to have an argument with someone else, and know that they will still be there the next day, whether we make up or not. I rationally realize that this is not normal behavior, but I’ve never managed to figure out how to get through this…and I don’t help matters, since I have been known to hightail it out of a situation at the first sign of trouble. I don’t have a tremendous sense of ‘stick-with-it-ness’…but it’s something that I want to work on. I promise. I do understand that I won’t always be happy – in fact, I think I’m pretty great at managing life in a state of unhappiness…but I don’t want to be that way. I want my version of the fairytale:
That’s it. That’s all I want. I don’t want all of the other trappings of the ‘typical girl fairytale’…that’s a scene that I’m not cut out for at all. This is what I want out of life – someone who wants to spend time with me, wants to shag only me, and thinks that I am very awesome. I used to think that wasn’t asking too much, but I was completely wrong. Finding someone who agrees with this is like locating a unicorn in its natural habitat, but…I’ve never chosen the easy path in life, why the hell would I start now?
I know that I can’t change anybody else – I would be doing really well to change anything about myself. I don’t want to be with someone who has lost their spine and is willing to let me give them a personality makeover of sorts anyway – why?? That’s just stupid. I think I am very good at appreciating people – I love to receive praise, and positive feedback makes me absolutely gleeful, so I try to pass that on to others. I am always full of compliments and kind sentiments, and I hope that they come across sincerely. Hopefully. 🙂
The part about becoming best friends is so important…my most successful relationships/encounters have been with people that I have been friendly with. You know those people, the ones that you can talk with for hours, about any old thing under the sun – but when there are quiet moments, they are companionable, not awkward and painful. (Here’s a funny for you – I was having a conversation with someone recently, and the topic of pubic hair came up…as it does. We were discussing the change in female pubic hair over the last thirty years, and how the day of the bush is a distant memory. Somehow we segued into talking about a woman that we mutually know and dislike, when the other person said, “You know that she just has to have a giant bush. Like a wheat field. No, Children of the Corn style bush…and, if you get too close to that thing, something runs out after you and slits your throat.” That was quite possibly the funniest thing I had ever heard – I admire people who have twisted little minds and are willing to ‘go there’. So. Funny.) I don’t want to replace my best girlfriends because nothing will ever replace them – but I do think that having a solid foundation of friendship with someone is pretty essential to building any kind of relationship.
So…what do you think? Good advice up there, or a bucket of hooey and crap? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts, friends – don’t disappoint me!!!! 🙂 And, if you are the person who sent me the picture up there – thank you. 🙂