Wildest Dreams

I had a lovely weekend with my Wee One…we dressed in matching costumes for Halloween on Friday (if I don’t win Mother of the Year for this, then I never will – I looked like a friggin idiot. She, however, was adorable. Go figure.), and we spent Sunday on an adventure together. We drove to the little town of Medina, Texas, had lunch at the Patio Cafe at Love Creek Orchards, bought some great apple products (including a yummy apple pie), and headed out for Lost Maples state park. I’ve been feeling really homesick for Canada lately, and I thought that seeing some maple trees with changing leaves might do me some good. Unfortunately, there’d been a terrible accident on the road and it was closed, so we will have to go back another time. We did have a beautiful drive through the Hill Country, however, and time together is always a great thing. 🙂

Ridiculous
Ridiculous
The best apple pie that's ever pied. Yum.
The best apple pie that’s ever pied. Yum.
My love :-)
My love 🙂

We did a lot of car singing on our trip yesterday – my stepdad gave her the new Taylor Swift album, so she grabbed the CD insert and sang along. We sang and sang and sang…it was the best. 🙂 There’s a song on the album called ‘Wildest Dreams’, that made my eyes begin to leak, and I nearly had to pull the car over.

Say you’ll remember me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset
Babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams oh wildest dreams oh ah, wildest dreams

Isn’t that a lovely sentiment? Say you’ll see me again? Those words speak to me, a person with chronic abandonment issues…I live in constant fear of being left by those that I care about (based on my history, no doubt), and I fret about being forgotten. I want to be remembered, especially by those that I care about, even after  they leave. I have always tried to be a pleasant memory I’m hopeful that there are people who have a warm fuzzy when they think of me, but there are others who will surely become filled with a murderous rage at the very sound of my name. It’s a tough balance to find.

This song went on to kill me again with these lines:

Nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down…

You’ll see me in hindsight tangled up with you all night
Burning it down
Someday when you leave me I bet these memories follow you around

This is so me, and it about does me in…how many times do we embark on something that we know is a TERRIBLE idea, but we do it anyway for a multitude of reasons : it feels good, we want to, we’re feeling kind of selfish and wanting the world to be all about us? Do you do this? Please say yes so that I don’t feel like the worlds largest douchebag. Yes? The final bit really got me to thinking….When the people in my life who leave me (and there are a few) are gone, do they ever think of me? Does a smell, a song, a sound conjure up images of me? Do they see something on TV and find themselves flooded with memories of me…Or am I fooling myself? I remember people like this, you know. I hear the first strains of the REM song “Losing My Religion” and immediately think of the boyfriend I had when I graduated from high school and the hours we spent driving and listening to that album (same thing with the Black Crowes – their “Shake Your Money Maker” album was the soundtrack of our relationship – this might help explain why we were doomed for failure)…when I smell oranges, I think of another great love, who loved them with all of his heart and always seemed to have a faint citrusy smell about him. Happy thoughts. 🙂 There are places that I travel that conjure up mountains of memories and all the feelings of people and things and situations left behind.  Memory is a powerful sense, my darlings…just like our wildest dreams.

I hope that I am remembered – even if it’s just pretend. 🙂

 

xxx

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