Building A Mystery

Do you know those women who reek of sophistication and exude coolness out of every pore on their body? Me, too…and I’m sure as hell not one of them. Are you? If so, can you tell me how you manage to sustain that? I can’t wrap my head around this idea.

So mysterious 😉

While speaking with a girlfriend of mine this weekend, she was telling me that she has noticed that when she cools off her attitude, becomes more aloof and keeps things kinda distant with her man, he is like an eager puppy, desperate to pull her closer and lap up her attention. However, when she acts like her normal self – full of attention and love and good ideas, he pulls away. After we discussed this in detail, I concluded that this phenomenon explains ‘bitch syndrome’ – whereby some of the nicest men on the planet end up with the bitchiest women alive. Somebody please explain this to me?!?!?!!!! Surely you know these couples, don’t you? I sure as hell do. I can think of at least a dozen different examples of super nice men that are SUCH catches – who end up married to absolute shrews who run hell on the devil’s day off. Male readers out there, please tell me: WHAT IS THE ATTRACTION???! What draws you to these vile creatures? Is it the thrill of the chase? Is it the idea that your beautiful, kind hearts are going to change these evil women and bring warmth to their souls? What is it?!?! I simply don’t get it – and I probably never will.

I’ve tried playing the aloof game with people before, and it’s always a spectacular failure. At the beginning of my Ice Princess™ act, the recipient of this cold shoulder will begin looking at me differently, and almost like we are bound together by a rubber band, they will start springing closer and becoming more interested in me. It’s kind of awesome! However, I invariably end up feeling super shitty about my behavior (I’m Canadian, remember – ergo I’m polite), and I go back to acting like myself – basically a Labrador puppy in human form: I’m full of love, attention, and happy thoughts, my energy to devote to the object of my affection knows no bounds, I want to make plans all the time and I will probably burst forth with the phrase ‘I Love You!’ 14,762 times on any given day. If I am in to someone, they absolutely know it – there is no game, no mystery…I’m no enigma wrapped in a riddle. When I do this, apparently it becomes all too much for the love recipient, because their elastic contracts and they spring away from me. Pretty much every damn time. I DON’T GET IT!!!!  Anyone care to explain?

Some women are mysterious by nature – I am not one of them. I have the worst poker face in the universe – if I’m experiencing an emotion, it will be written all over my mug. Some are probably shy, which comes off as mysterious. Some just are exotic, mysterious creatures…and while I think all the time that I would like to be that way, I probably never will. I’ve been described as ‘cute’ on more than one occasion – and I’m never sure if cute is a good thing or not. I don’t think they find me particularly cute to look at (this is me we’re talking about – you’ve seen me, you know what I’ve got to work with), but rather my personality comes off as cute sometimes. I am very childlike in my exuberant joy of most things, I’m ever so smiley, and I never hesitate to burst into spontaneous applause when I’m excited about something – which happens constantly, because something always excites me. I am the way that I am – and I’m okay with that, but tell me…is cute attractive? Desirable? I can’t wait to hear your answers, friends! 🙂

A mysterious figure – AKA not me

While researching this topic, I came across a real corker of an article entitled “How To Be Mysterious To Attract People” –  behold what I found! 🙂

Be vague. Making others curious is the key to being mysterious. if someone asks you about your weekend, make some vague reply such as “I met up with some friends and we did some things in town.” if they question you further, just say nothing and smile mysteriously.
Learn how to smile mysteriously. A crooked little smile is perfect. Cocking your head slightly and very subtly raising your eyebrows makes it look even more secretive or mysterious.
Write in a journal. When in an area where your crush is also located, either pretend or actually scribble down things in your notebook. If he comes by, or if anyone else does, close the cover slowly and once again, flash that mysterious little smile. If your crush becomes more attracted to you, show him your journal without his prompting, or let him read over your shoulder. This lets him know that you deeply trust him.
Learn lots of obscure facts. That way if your crush or anyone else is in a conversation and you are near, silently listening, you can make a remark about their topic in a soft-spoken voice. If your crush says anything about your knowledge (like a compliment) shyly look down. Shyness is very important to mysteriousness.
Dress mysteriously. Don’t wear anything really revealing or showy. Wear bootcut or flare jeans (no straights or skinnies, sorry) that DO NOT have holes in them. Wear tops that are maybe a little to large or are just long, like tunics. Long skirts are great, too, as well as dangly earrings and loose hair. If you wear a jacket make it one that has lots of pockets (to make people curious about what might be in them)and wear little tennies or flats. You want to go for covered and cute. Put various items in your pockets and slip them out from time to time. See if your crush notices. For instance, if you pull out a wrench and he sees you with it, smile and slip it back up your sleeve. This hints that you are exciting; just full of surprises!
Look off into the distance. People interpret that as ‘your brain is constantly deep in thought.’ That’s a pretty mysterious look.

Let’s break this down, shall we? The first piece of advice was to be vague – when people ask you questions, don’t directly answer, hint at things, and smile mysteriously. First, I get pissed right off when people do this to me – I don’t think they are mysterious and feel instantly attracted to them, I think they are a jackass who can’t answer a damn question! As for the smile mysteriously part…HOW?

The second point addresses my previous question (I love when that happens!) – learn how to smile mysteriously! Yaa! Fun!! According to this article, I am to smile a bit crookedly (check – I’m sure my smile is as cock-eyed as the rest of me most of the time), I’m to tilt my head slightly and raise my eyebrows. I just got a mirror out of my purse and practiced this – guess what? I don’t look mysterious…I look like I’m having a seizure. 😦 Sad trombone. 😦 Must keep practicing!

The third suggestion is just stupid, don’t you think? If you see the object of your desire nearby, grab a notebook and jot something down – whether it’s real words or pretend matters not, just write. Once he becomes smitten with you (because between that mysterious smile and your vagueness, you just know that he is going to be all up in your business in no time), you can share what you have written with him. How embarrassing will it be if what you written is a bunch of doodles, random grocery list items, junior high things like I ♥ Johnny Depp, and squiggles???! Ridiculous!! I’m all for writing in journals (I do it all the time), but write in it for you, my kittens…not because it will make you look mysterious (although if it does, I must be one hell of a mysterious chick, since I am always doing that).

Me, an enigma wrapped in a riddle

Okay…let’s talk about this next one. If learning a lot of obscure facts makes you mysterious, then I must be the Girl in the Iron Mask because I am an absolute treasure trove of useless information! I looooove obscure facts and information – it’s what brings meaning to my life and makes me a fun person to have on your pub trivia team! 🙂 However, I think we’ve hit another roadblock here, friends…the article says that shyness is very important to mysteriousness. I’m not shy! I don’t know how to be shy! Shit. Maybe I had best learn. Hmmm….

 The next one is straight-up awesome – dress mysteriously. I thought that this meant that I should wear things like hooded Hogwarts capes and Venetian carnival masks, but I was wrong. I am to wear things that aren’t revealing, jeans without holes, tunics and other shirts that are too big, flat shoes, and long skirts. Apparently dangly earrings and loose hair will work as well. I’ve got it! The key to dressing mysteriously is to wear a gypsy costume! Yaa! Fun!! And so not for me – I would look bloomin’ ridiculous in those clothes, not to mention frumpy as all hell, so….there’s just no way. I love the idea of carrying a wrench in my pocket, though…that could be fun! 😉 (she adds facetiously)

The last point urges me to look off into the distance – is that mysterious? Because I just tried it, and when I looked in the mirror, I thought I looked like a stoner. Are stoners mysterious??

Mysterious?? What do you think? 😉


Once I quit laughing at all of this, I guess I came to a bit of a conclusion – I will never be mysterious, and that’s probably a good thing. People always know what they are getting with me, and there has to be some value to that, don’t you think? Also, I will never, ever be one of those bitchy women I spoke about earlier – first, I don’t have that in me…and more importantly, I don’t want to. I often wonder if these sweet men end up with these heathen beasts because they are too afraid to leave. If that’s the case, then more power to them – I would rather go about my business surrounded by people who want to be with me, not those that are only there because they feel they have to be, or are scared. And – I’m also going to go through life being super cute – because in the end, cute ain’t all that bad. 😉



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