I hate owing things to people – I hate the fact that I have debt, student loans, mortgage, etc…however, these seem to be necessary evils of life. As much as I dislike being indebted financially, I find emotional debts to be even more troubling.
There are a lot of people out there that I have tremendous gratitude towards, and I feel that I owe them more than I could ever possibly repay. My current boss, for example – I pretty much owe her my existence and my sanity. I was in a dark place prior to the time we started working together, and I had all but given up on education and myself. However, she has done amazing things to restore my faith in our industry, humanity, and most importantly in myself – I have started feeling okay about myself professionally again, after so long of being beat down. I’ve begun to believe that I am a person of professional value – a feeling that had been beaten out of me so long ago. She’s amazing – I’m so lucky to have her! 🙂 I also owe my parents a tremendous debt of gratitude for all that they do for the Wee Muppet – without them, she and I would be sunk. I’m so grateful. 🙂 I’m also eternally grateful to those that love me – my dear friends and my loved ones….for they see me better than I can see myself, and they see the wonderful me that they believe I can be, and not necessarily the conductor of the Hot Mess Express that I so frequently am. They laugh at my lame-ass jokes, they seem to enjoy my company, and a rare few even go out of their way to be part of my life. How awesome is that???! 🙂 These are the types of kindnesses that I can never repay.
On the flip side, though, I feel that some people owe me – that I am entitled to some things that I’m not getting…and that’s the worst of all. I don’t know when I decided to start acting like I’m entitled to things, but…it’s gotta stop. I’m not entitled to anything in this life – and therefore I need to stop expecting anything and be bloody grateful for any good things that do come my way. I don’t deserve respect from those around me – I need to earn it. I don’t deserve kindness, acceptance, and love – I need to earn it. How do I earn those things? By showing them. While engaged in a binge-watch of the excellent Netflix series “House of Cards”, someone said something like ‘Kindness is only kindness if you expect nothing in return’…good, eh? It’s so true – I do all sorts of good deeds during the course of the day, and man alive do I get pissy if I’m not acknowledged/rewarded/loved/applauded/honored with a statue and the key to the city…and that is damn ridiculous thinking on my part. I expect people to be courteous to me simply because I’m courteous to them – and that kind of tomfoolery has got to stop. I need to exercise gratitude, and focus more on bringing good things into my life that way – and I need to stop thinking that I have things coming my way simply because of what I put in. I am entitled to nothing…and everything is a blessed gift. Let’s all repeat that together, shall we? 🙂
I don’t know about you, but I have an awful lot to be grateful for in this life – my daughter, my family, my sweet loves, my friends (I’ve been blessed with amazing friends), my health, my career, my ambition, my home, my sense of humor…I have so many good things going on, and I am so very grateful. I don’t think I show enough gratitude in my life – mind you, when it comes to showing gratitude, can there ever really be enough???? I doubt it. I need to work so much harder on this, and show gratitude, and take the time to reflect on my many blessings…I hope you’ll give it a shot, too. 🙂
Starts now, friends!! What are you most grateful for? 🙂