Any Man Of Mine

Back in the ’90s, Canadian chanteuse Shania Twain sang about her requirements (and kind of her definition) of a MAN. Let’s take a look, shall we? 🙂

This is what a woman wants…
Any man of mine better be proud of me
Even when I’m ugly he still better love me
And I can be late for a date that’s fine
But he better be on time

Any man of mine’ll say it fits just right
When last year’s dress is just a little too tight
And anything I do or say better be okay
When I have a bad hair day

And if I change my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He’s gotta be a heartbeatin’ fine treatin’
Breathtakin’ earthquakin’ kind
Any man of mine

Well any man of mine better disagree
When I say another woman’s lookin’ better than me
And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black
He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah

And if I changed my mind
A million times
I wanna hear him say
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He’s gotta be a heartbeatin’ fine treatin’
Breathtakin’ earthquakin’ kind
Any man of mine

Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way

Any man of mine better walk the line
Better show me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time
I need a man who knows, how the story goes
He’s gotta be a heartbeatin’ fine treatin’
Breathtakin’ earthquakin’ kind
Any man of mine

You gotta shimmy shake
Make the earth quake
Kick, turn, stomp, stomp, then you jump
Heel to toe, Do Si Do
‘Til your boots wanna break
“Til your feet and your back ache
Keep it movin’ ’til you just can’t take anymore
Come on everybody on the floor
A-one two, a-three four
Hup two, hum
If you wanna be a man of mine, that’s right
This is what a woman wants…

 

Pretty straightforward list of requirements, oui? Probably includes some of the things that are on your list of desired qualities, too – let’s break it down in sections – first up: This is what a woman wants… /Any man of mine better be proud of me / Even when I’m ugly he still better love me / And I can be late for a date that’s fine / But he better be on time . I absolutely agree that a man needs to be proud of his girl – who doesn’t want to feel that the one they are crazy for is proud of them??! It’s just common sense! I am so on board with the next one, it’s not even funny…we all have our ugly days (for some of us poor unfortunate souls, it may be closer to an ugly fortnight), but we still want someone out there to think we’re gorgeous, even when we resemble swamp people or the stunt double for the Crypt Keeper. Her next point, however, is where she and I differ – I value punctuality immensely, and it applies to me as well as you. I am GOING to be on time, if I set a time to meet you – and you had damn well better be as well. My time is just as valuable as the next person’s time, and lateness is just so disrespectful, don’t you think? I feel mighty strongly about this one – much the same as I do about doing what you say: if you say you will call me back, CALL ME BACK. If you aren’t intending to do it, don’t bother saying it – I hate that. It royally pisses me off. I understand that sometimes things come up and you can’t call back – so utilize the wee phone buttons and send a text! Don’t leave me hanging – that’s just rude! (and let’s all be on time, mmkay? 🙂 )

Any man of mine’ll say it fits just right / When last year’s dress is just a little too tight / And anything I do or say better be okay / When I have a bad hair day  – I completely agree that it doesn’t matter what the hell I’m wearing, any man in my life had better lie through his teeth and tell me that I look great. I know that lots of women want honesty and need to know when they perhaps look like shit – I am not one of those women. I want to be told that I look beautiful and stunning and cute and kinda dripping in gorgeousness every moment of every day. Here’s the thing: I have eyes, and I know what I look like (nothing beautiful and stunning and cute and kinda dripping in gorgeousness here), but…lie to me about this one. Please. All any of us ever want is for someone to think that we are the friggin’ cats pyjamas – be that someone for us. 🙂

Next up: And if I change my mind / A million times / I wanna hear him say / Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I like it that way – I would never do this. I’m pretty good at decision-making, and I tend to stick with what I decide – plus, I find flippy-floppy people annoying as hell, and I would rather walk through the halls of my school in my birthday suit than be an indecisive, wishy-washy flippy-floppy person. Ick.

 

And now we have the chorus! 🙂 Any man of mine better walk the line / Better show me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time / I need a man who knows, how the story goes / He’s gotta be a heartbeatin’ fine treatin’ / Breathtakin’ earthquakin’ kind / Any man of mine – let the objections begin! I don’t want somebody to ‘walk the line’…the connotation behind that is disgusting. I want to be around people who feel free to be themselves (Marlo Thomas would be so proud) – and I spent my days for a lot of years telling people how they were expected to behave…I have no bloody interest in doing it in my personal life. Gross. I am, however, on board with the idea of somebody showing me a teasin’ squeezin’ pleasin’ kinda time – I like being teased (in a fun way), I’m all for squeezing, and pleasing me is high on my list of life priorities! 🙂 The idea of somebody showing me a good time is huge, too – I’m a chronic planner (I kinda hate that about myself sometimes), and I’m always one who organizes outings and plans get-togethers…it’s exhausting. And annoying. I would LOOOOVE for somebody to just plan something for me – just every once in a while. That’d be splendid! 🙂 Her next line talks about needing a man who knows how the story goes – I’m not quite sure which story she is referring to, but I love literature and I like men who are literate and enjoy to read, so…I guess I’m good on that. 😉 The final part about the breathtakin’ earthquakin’ kind – well, duh…who doesn’t want a guy around who is going to really, you know, ring your bell???! 😉

On to the next verse! 🙂 Well any man of mine better disagree / When I say another woman’s lookin’ better than me / And when I cook him dinner and I burn it black / He better say, mmmm, I like it like that yeah – I, too, would like to hear that there is no woman that looks better in the eyes of my Sweet Baboo than moi. I know he will be lying (as I said earlier, I have eyes….I’m not blind), he knows that he will be lying, but…I would like for him to do it anyway. These are the good lies that exist in the world. 🙂 I’ve had the occasional cooking disastrophe over the years, and I won’t expect to hear that he looooves the shit that I’ve attempted to serve, but a wee bit of pretending is always appreciated. 🙂 I know that we as people are meant to be honest – but truly there are times when lying is kinder, gentler, and by far the preferred method of dealing with people (especially this girl). 🙂

The rest of the song repeats itself (and then launches in to an odd dance sequence that I won’t discuss, because frankly it embarrasses me). What qualities do you want in a significant other, friends? Are you most interested in physical appearances? Personality? A happy hybrid of both? 🙂 I can’t wait to hear what you’ve got to say for yourselves, friends – and, while I’m waiting, I might as well start on that stupid dance routine of Shania’s…here we go: shimmy, shake…kick, turn, stomp, stomp – the people in the hallway outside my office are going to LOVE this! 😉

xxx

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